It was late 2015, December precisely. I had waited for months to see her, to apologize for the crazy moments we had had on the phone, moments that threatened “everything we had”. I waited on seeing her than I have waited all my life for the coming of Christ. Christ! Was she my Christ? To me she was indeed “Christ”.
We lived miles apart, yet thoughts of her were soothing and reassuring. Thoughts of spending decades locked in each other’s embrace was on replay.
Our much anticipated meeting was quick in a dispatch manner. In few words I was discharged like a shamed soldier dispossessed of his rifle, and awaiting a court martial. Tears flowed as freely as the Nile to the Suez Canal. She had said it was all over. “Ezera, we can’t reconcile our differences, I am sorry but you won’t be seeing me again”. That was it? After months of waiting for her coming. I was in disbelieve!
I had never been heartbroken in my active years of breaking hearts ‘upandan’. So this felt like a loss of a loved one. I tried paying attention to my journey back home, but my mind was no longer at ease, because things had fallen apart and the centre could no longer hold. I was shattered, broken and beyond repair.
I was a hapless victim of love, and I played my part like Shakespeare had written it for me. I gave in completely to self-pity
Then I found solace in dwelling in my misfortune. I failed to see beyond the pain. I suddenly became a lonely extrovert. Body present, absent minded. “I don’t not know how long it took, but when i look back on this time of crying in that corner of the dark cave, I had learned the most important rule of survival, which was that feeling sorry for yourself didn’t work.
Self-pity will destroy your relationships, destroy anything that’s good, it will fulfill all the prophecies it makes and leave you more broken than you were. Then Satan exploits the pain by making it the central focus of the ones thoughts and attitudes.”
Truth be told, awful things happen. Dreadful circumstances or tragedies will affect most of our lives at some point. It’s okay to cry and feel sorry for yourself and your circumstances, mope around, or get angry. But at some point you must shake it off, let go of the past, and not let it consume you entirely. It will keep you from learning to move forward in a constructive way.
Are you out there nursing an old wound in your heart, let it go. You deserve a second chance. I moved on from that heart break *though on emotional leave*.
Take your chance!